2018- Year in Review

By Stephen Godfrey - Reading Time: 12 minutes

Stephen Godfrey in Boulder Utah

2018 is gone and it is time to learn from the past. To do this I’ll ask two simple questions: What Went Well? And What Didn’t Go Well?

As usual, I’ll include my income report from 2018. I won’t hold anything back and will be fully transparent.

You might ask why I do this? I write this for me. I write about my year so I can process all that has happened. I write so I can look back and learn from the past. But, I do this in public because I think there are some lessons here that can help others.

What Went Well

If I could sum up my 2018 in a single phrase it would be “the healing of my soul”. There is a quote by the famous business philosopher Jim Rohn where he says “Your level of success will seldom exceed your level of personal development, because success is something you attract by the person you become.” And I took that to heart this year. I knew that I had some things in my personal life that detracted from my productivity, success, and happiness.

And this year I dove deep. I started doing early morning meditations. I did breathing exercises. I spent a lot of time in prayer and scripture reading. But that was just the beginning. I attended a 12 step group. This helped keep me accountable and kept me striving to become a better me. I also went to therapy. For most of my life, I’ve scoffed at the idea of therapy. I’d think things like “I don’t need to go to therapy. I’m not weak like those other people”. But I see therapy in a different light now. Therapy is just a place to learn actionable tools and skills to cope with the stresses in life. It is a place for me to process all the hard things that have happened in my life and find a way to make peace with them.

godfrey family in a hammock

I finished my Imposter Syndrome Book! I had some beta readers go through it I learned that I need more copy editing to tighten up the paragraphs, but it is nearly done. Plus I just went to a writer’s conference (LTUE) and learned about some local companies that do editing. Though, I find it ironic that I have a little Imposter Syndrome about launching a book about Imposter Syndrome.

My new book on Imposter Syndrome

My garden was amazing this year. Yes, I garden! This year I grew: potatoes, walla-walla onions, Egyptian walking onions, garlic, watermelons, cantaloupes (my favorite), two kinds of tomatoes, plenty of cucumbers, sage, chives, 2 kinds of lettuce, carrots, radishes, and two kinds of peas. I have 300 square feet of raised-bed growing space, and that’s a lot of food. My kids loved the carrots and cucumbers, but by the end of the summer we had so many cucumbers my kids got tired of eating them. #firstworldproblems

stephen godfrey garden

As part of my 12 step program, I made a list of everyone I have harmed. The aim of this is to clear up anything with anyone that I have ever hurt and to ask forgiveness of them. But before I ask anyone for forgiveness I needed to forgive others. So I made a list of people that have harmed me, and started to forgive them. It’s been a soul-cleansing experience to forgive others and to let go of the pain. I still have 2 people left on my list that I’m working on, but it has been incredibly freeing to let go of my resentment and bitterness.

I built some new friendships this year and strengthened other ones. I especially appreciated spending time with: Bradley, AJ, James, Blake, and Branden. I have learned that guys need guys, and girls need girls. Oh, I’m grateful to be married to a wonderful woman. But guys still need to spend time with guys.

I learned to become less anxious. And I owe that all to therapy. After our second session, my Therapist Brett told me “Stephen, what I see in you is a lot of anxiety”. And at first I thought “pbbbbt! Me anxious. No way”. And then a wall of anxiety hit me. I could finally feel how anxious I was inside and that I was trying to mold my environment to protect me from that anxiety. Then for the next few months that is the emotion I felt. I would wake up anxious. I’d default to feeling anxious. But once I could recognize the anxiety I could do something about it. I started doing more pushups and pushed out my negative feelings. I did more self-care and more meditation. And I’m happy to say that I am way less anxious in my life. It is still a fight sometimes, but I think I am winning the war.

Stephen Godfrey at the SLC planetarium

I was a good dad this year. I spent time with my family and provided for them. I took an active part in taking care of my kids. I cooked for them, bathed them, played with them, read to them, and helped my youngest potty train way more than I ever wanted to. “Can you wipe my bum?” Me, “ummmm no”.

This year I read some excellent books. Some of the highlights are: Redwall (an amazing fiction book), Million Dollar Consulting, Mindset, Resilience, Your Best Year Ever, Meditations, The Manual for Living, The Obstacle is the way, and a whole lot more.

My wife and I celebrated our anniversary in Boulder Utah. It is an amazing town with a special place in my heart. We had a good experience and it was nice to spend time with her. Singing Canyon was a soul-striking experience and if you are ever down there it is worth the trip.

I took my family to Disneyland for Christmas. It was a whole lot of fun. It was especially memorable on the day it rained like a tropical storm. The rain fell in sheets and after we were 200 feet from the Hotel my wife said “let’s go back!”. And I was like “no way, we paid for this so let’s go!” My jeans were soaked up to the knees, but it was a great experience. I really recommend staying at the Hyatt House in Anaheim as they have bunk beds in their own separate sleeping area. I cannot praise that enough.

Finally, I bought a punching bag with wraps and gloves. I have loved, loved, loved working out my frustrations on the bag. It’s been a great experience and one of the best purchases I have ever made. I think everyone needs a place where they can move, exercise, and vent their pain.

What Did Not Go Well

I don’t like writing this section. Especially when I haven’t lived up to my own expectations. I would like to say that I have a handle on all aspects of my life and that I don’t have any flaws. But that just isn’t true. I still waste a lot of time. I still escape from hard emotions. I’m not as social as I like. In some ways, I feel that I’ve been coasting for years. Granted, some people would say that I’m living the dream, and perhaps I am. But I know I can do more. I’ve been letting fear take control for too long.

I don’t play enough in my life. What usually ends up happening is that I want to play, but I don’t feel that I have worked hard enough to “earn” to play. But I want to play so I end up watching Youtube, Netflix, or playing Video Games. By the end of the day, I’ve wasted so much time, and I realize that I didn’t play nor get my work done. I would have done better to just go play and come back refreshed to do my work.

A common emotion I felt last year was anxiety. Some days (especially after I started therapy) I’d wake up anxious. As soon as I was conscious I’d feel panicked about the upcoming day. Some days I felt fine, but the underlying anxiety was there. That’s why I woke up early so often. That is why I created a morning routine. It was a way to start my day off with peace, and calm, and a way to ground myself. And it has really helped. For example, I woke up early today and meditated, read, and did a full day of client work. As a result, I had long periods of calm and my soul was still. So much that it felt strange inside to be so still. I felt that within my soul I had walked into an old church. Sunlight was pouring through the stained-glass windows and the whole place radiated with peace and calm. Yet it was a foreign place to me. What pained me the most is I knew that place had always been inside me and I had never thought to visit.

I coasted with my business. Any leads and new projects came through passive referrals or the occasional networking connection. And though I still did great for a solo consultant (more on that later), I know that I coasted for most of this year. Part of it was my focus on personal growth and resolving deep pain, but coasted still the same and I feel guilty for that. On the other hand, I know that my focus on personal growth will naturally help my business to grow as well. I’ve beat down some of my demons in 2018, which frees me to succeed in 2019. Now I need to have the courage to lift my foot and to take a step into the dark

In 2018 I wasted SO MUCH TIME on mindless activities like Youtube, Netflix, and Video Games. While going through therapy I just escaped, escaped, escaped. I think it was because I was so out of touch with my emotions. Since I had stuffed them down for so long it was extremely uncomfortable to sit with them. And some days I worked and did just fine. Yet there were other days, days when the kids were home and fighting, or when my wife and I had a disagreement, or when I worried about work, well those are the days I struggled. I’d let myself get derailed and sometimes waste the entire day.

In 2018 I wrote down a few goals, but I didn’t achieve most of the written ones. Yet I had unwritten goals. I wanted to wake up early, find stillness in my soul, finish my Imposter Syndrome book, and just find peace. Perhaps I should have written those ones down.

Overall, there are parts of 2018 that I am happy about and others I feel guilty when I think about them. I’m not proud of my struggles and stumbles. But I feel good about my personal growth. I’ve beat down some of my demons this year and have more control over them. Perhaps that is the best kind of success. It reminds me of the proverb: “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. (Proverbs 16:32 KJV)”. I didn’t make a million dollars this year. But I did do better in “ruling my spirit” and I’m proud of that.

Income From 2018

I still brought in a hefty profit this year. I’ll go into all the details soon but for now, I’ll just say I broke the six-figure mark. I am grateful that I made enough to provide for my family, pay off debt, send my wife to France, go to Disneyland, take an anniversary trip, buy a new swing set for the kids, run my business, have lunches with friends, and more. All in all, I think that I still did well as a solo consultant.

Also, my wife helped me to recognize my scarcity mentality about money. I used to (still do?) determine my self-worth by my net-worth. As a result, I kept saving more and more and more. First I wanted to hit 20K in the business bank account. I did this because invoices sometimes get paid late. I still think having that much in savings is a GREAT idea. It protects me come tax time, protects me from clients that pay late, and gives me peace of mind. Yet it can also be dangerous. Especially since I didn’t decide at what amount was enough. So I kept saving more. I’d hit $25K, $30K, and then $40K. I almost had $50,000 USD just sitting in my business account when my wife asked me this question:

When will it be enough? What amount do you need to reach to have ‘enough’? You keep moving the goalpost and it seems like you are never satisfied.

She was right. I had tied my self-worth to my net-worth. Or in other words, I had tied my self-worth to my level of financial security. There is an interesting phenomenon about the most basic needs of safety, being loved, being accepted and self-esteem. If these needs aren’t met then our bodies will scream and shout for us to fix them. Yet if we have an excess of safety, love, acceptance, or self-esteem, well those won’t make us happier. If I go to lunch at a restaurant and recognize that I’m in a safe little nook, and that there is a pillar that blocks the view of me from the front door, and that I’m close to the serving door for a quick exit, then that doesn’t give me more joy and happiness. I was already in a safe restaurant, in a safe city that is in a safe state and country. So if I add even more safety it won’t give me more joy. But if for some reason that place was unsafe, then that would matter to me.

Money is like that. If you don’t have enough then it’s always at the forefront of your thoughts. But if you have what you need then having more won’t bring you any happiness.

So instead of holding onto my money like a miser, we went to Disneyland! It’s good to take a break and pause on work for a while. Anyway, enough digressions. It’s time to look at the numbers.

Before I disclose everything please note that these numbers will be different from what my accountant submits for my yearly taxes. The numbers in here are guidelines as what I accrue in my time tracking system and when I date my invoices in Quickbooks can be different.

Runway
At the time of writing, I have about 7 months runway. Which means that if I don’t have any client work for 7 months I’ll be able to meet all my expenses at my current standard of living. This helped me worry less, but it is also a double-edged sword. It’s helped me to be lazy, lazy, lazy (according to my standard). At one time, I had up to 10+ months of runway just sitting in the bank. I used that as a crutch to slack off on my sales.

Total Runway: 7 months

W2 (or employment) Income
Absolutely none. I got a job offer from a wonderful client of mine. And it looks oh-so-good on paper. High salary, my own office in a new building just a few minutes from my house, autonomy, 5 weeks vacation plus holidays, etc. But it just didn’t feel right. If I were looking for a 9 to 5 job I’d love to work for that company. I feel like that is the easier path. Just go to work, do my job, and come home. It sounds so easy. But I don’t think I am destined for easy things.

Total earnings from W2 employment: $0 USD.

Products
I didn’t sell any products in 2018. My funnels aren’t set up properly and I really could automate some things. My freelance course is still a great course (150 people have already signed up for it), but I didn’t push it at all. I finished the 3rd draft of my book and wrote some launch emails for it but I just didn’t execute.

Total earnings from Products: $0 USD.

Consulting
Yearly Revenue for 2018 Consulting is where I made my bread and butter this year. Through consulting, I generated $107,050 USD in revenue. Most of that work came from my Banking Clients, as well as clients in the Fintech, Security, and Theater markets. My lowest month was July (when I started therapy) at $3600 and the highest month was February at $20,800 (which is mind-blowing for me).

Total consulting earnings: $107,050 USD.

And for my history here’s what I’ve made (USD) in the past years since I started consulting.

2015: $67,984 (partial year)
2016: $87,975
2017: $128,765
2018: $107,050

Overall
Looking back, I feel okay about this year’s earnings but I know I could have done better. I did some fun things and I provided for my family along the way. I think my proudest achievement of the year is tackling my deep soul-sickness. I forgave a lot of people. I let go of some expectations. I took the time to get to know me. And I made significant efforts in finding peace in my life. My hope is that this gives me a strong foundation to build 2019 on. No more hate. No more hurts to hold on to. And I think I finally have a chance to live my life the way it was meant to be.

2018- Year in Review

What Went Well

What Did Not Go Well

Income From 2018

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